Finding love in Twilight years

I  watched a movie on Netflix the other day on a twilight reunion. The movie, Our Souls at Night, is an American drama film and is based on the novel of the same name by Kent Haruf. It’s a sweet little and enjoyable story of an aged man and a woman who decide to spend their remaining lonely nights together.

In a small town America, Mrs. Addie Moore, played by Jane Fonda knocks on the door of her neighbor, Louis, played by Robert Redford. Both are lonely widowers and living all by themselves. She has a somewhat revolutionary proposal. She says, “Would you mind coming to my house sometime to sleep with me? It’s not about sex. I lost interest in that a long time ago. It’s about getting through the night, you know? I think I could sleep again if there was someone next to me, someone nice.” The man reluctantly agrees to try and sneaks in through her back garden door to avoid malicious and invasive gossip. But Addie persists that he should come from the main entrance.

Below is the trailer for the movie and if you want to read the book, you can buy the book here.

We have all seen the newspaper or online matrimonial advertisements where a 60 something man is looking for 40 something woman? But I have rarely come across a matrimonial ad for 60 or 70-year-old woman looking for a life partner.

Way back in 1986, Newsweek in a cover story article said for 40-year-old educated women, the probability of marriage was around 2% and were “more likely to be killed by a terrorist” than find a partner.

Things might have improved a bit for 40-year-olds as getting an education is no longer an impediment to marriage. But the story for more mature women is still the same. She yet has to conform to the pressure from the society to adapt to the conventional life.

My mother’s 60-year-old gynecologist raised her three children alone after her divorce. She completed not just her advanced medical degree after the divorce but also learned ballad and is now a professional jazz singer. She not only stood up for her girls but also created a new life for her. She doesn’t need a man in her life in the traditional sense. But finding companion or love at this age for this bold and brave lady is a tough task.

I feel it’s not just about marriage, life partner, and sex. Whether to remain single or seek a life partner is the question of personal choice and freedom. I don’t mean to say that women who find a life partner or are in a long time relationship are happy, successful and worth admiring. Happiness and loneliness are not dependent on the relationship with the man or your husband. I have seen happy women who are single, and sad and lonely married women.

The social media has heaps of dating advice for older women. Whether single, widowed or divorced, many women want to be in relationships at this stage but lack the courage, social and family support for the same. The lack of suitable men in this shrinking age pool and the fascination of men for younger women makes it more tiring and frustrating.

This issue leaves many women wondering and confused.


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