I have no friends. By this, I don’t mean that I don’t have friends on social media or I am an asocial person, and I don’t or open up when I am surrounded by people. I do all that when needed.
What I mean is I don’t have real friends. I don’t 2 am or 3 am friends. I had few friends, but they deserted and abandoned (I hate to use these words) me saying I am too pessimist and they would rather spend time with a happy and cheerful person. I am neither grumbling or bemoaning. I am neither miserable and sorrowful.
I am sparkling with contentment and beaming with confidence and self-esteem. More than that I am thankful for life and to everyone and everything else.
Though there was never a time when I was drowning in the waves of loneliness but still thoughts such as there is something fundamentally wrong with me used to cross my mind occasionally. I used to think that I am alone because I handled it all wrong, maybe I am selfish and self-centered.
Now, I have stopped admonishing and criticizing myself. There is no point in finding fault and holding others or myself responsible for my lack of friends.
A Harvard University research suggests that having no friends could be as deadly as smoking and could be an indication of a severe disorder both physically and emotionally. But one can have many friends and still feel lonely and disconnected.
I am not a loner, and not scared of “hanging out” with people I don’t know or making new friends. But I don’t want to waste my life with people when we don’t vibrate on the same frequency and who don’t rhyme with my life. It’s far better to be alone rather than with people with no substance.
As Jean-Paul Sartre said, if you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.
I didn’t do anything earth-shattering or innovative to enjoy my solitude and not feel lonely.
I just became myself. I rediscovered myself. I befriended myself. I talked to myself, sang to myself and wrote to myself. I learned to live with myself. I have cultivated a confident self on whom I can rely in the moment of crisis.
I have developed few hobbies, so spending time doesn’t get easier. To confront the demons of loneliness, I don’t have to build relationships.
I don’t have to engage in unwanted gossips, forced conversions, meaningless social pleasantries, and small talk. I don’t have to spend time in mundane and popular stuff.
I travel solo now. I go on hiking trips, walking tours, street fairs. Though I have been on many work trips alone, its now that I travel alone for pleasure. And pleasure means serious fun. I can decide where I have to go, what mode of transport to take, what kind of accommodation I opt for based on my limited budget. I can stop wherever I want to take photographs, and I don’t necessarily have to return by some fixed time and date. I can take a detour if I am not enjoying the place or I can just return midway if I am not feeling good. I don’t have to wait for others. I am stronger now and appreciate diversity better.
I have started digging deeper into essential and more substantial issues such as who am I? Why am I here? I get plenty of time to analyze my life or reflect on existential matters.
I don’t have to politically or socially correct all the time. I can be unapologetically me with no pretensions and drama. I don’t have to explain why, where, what and how’s!
I don’t disappoint people and don’t get disappointed either because there are no expectations. It doesn’t matter when they don’t do something or support me the way I want them to. No one gets hurt, and I think that’s very important.
What is your take on being alone and enjoying the bliss of solitude?
Kolam Konnect 
Solitude is as much a human need as it is comnection to others. Solitude, well understood and practiced allows one to connect with the self. This brings energy and clarity to meet other later on.
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Marcus, you have explained it very well. Solitude helps us to connect with oneself first. It helps in building of a strong and stable foundation.
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Really very beautiful change and exprience. your words are true. its like that you write my views. bliss of solitude is really amazing. you are self dependent. do what you like. travelling gives me happiness and peace. thank you for sharing your views. keep posting and stay in touch
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Thank you
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Truly described about not necessitating the forced conversations! I second that.
I may agree on certain level about lonely adventures and deriving pleasure from SELF, but I think it will be more joyous with people around. Need not be cinematic ‘friends’. Some tribal locals, or village natives — all the people with pure heart and no arrogance of “modernness” will elevate the cheerfulness and joy that we would have derive from being alone. Actually, I feel like – we humans are group people. The food, water, goods all are contributed by some one or the other. “WE” made it a business in modern time. But if we can somehow cross that barrier, all the exchange of goods and services will make us so many friends in the course of living!! —- We are missing all that opportunity due to corporate structured modernness and we are forcing loneliness due to limited options of friends (who have some money and go to similar UNIV as we go, etc. but who have not similar mind set) that we are forced to encounter with.
This is my view!
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Agree to an extent. We have caged ourselves within the boundaries and biases regarding education level, prosperity level, etc. But with each passing day my yearning and longing to stay alone is increasing. And I don’t regret that…as I never had ‘friends’ per say and whatever people I have interacted with are utterly fake and drain me emotionally.
So I guess, I more or less enjoy my solitude.
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Haha.. I can understand about draining energy! Hmm… I get the gist of what you say! But I still feel that your passion towards solitude is not your nature, but the enforced condition of modern day world.
Like, just because you are getting grains, vegetables, fruits, etc., in one hour time and that too in a shop, by giving few notes (for which we do some jobs). If the situation is, something else – say, we all need to interact with each other.. Including farmers and weavers etc. Imagine the life. Everything necessary is got from rendering our service back. This sense of service never lets you have solitude, but solace in group living. Alas, in the modern world, we use the paper note as substitute for our smile and interaction and thus we lost basic human contact!
What do you think?!
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This loss of basic human contact, made most of city and town living people think mechanically and not intuitively or inquisitively as the human race should be (evolution of mind is proof for it!?) thus, most people we are surrounded in towns and cities are dull for a vibrant thinker, where as a pure smile of a villager or farmer would beget more joy than an abstract thought!
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Hmm.. interaction for basic day to day activities is fine. But I am referring to the broader perspective where human being may just want to be left alone and not bothered by the burden of relationships be it professional or social. I am talking about a situation where we are free and not bound by the societal needs and demands. At this time, we go within rather than outside.
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How can you be free from burden of relationship with society? It’s possible only if you live truly independently. Which is not a hu man’s cup of tea (even Himalayan babas need food which is farmed by a social man). So, understanding the social relations and exercising duties forms basic bricks of our existence.
My point here is, that if our society was not business oriented, we would have loads of friends because we would have had umpteen relations with those who help us Live. When we struggle to live and share and give help, we find friends even in our enemies! But we forgot how we are living. Solitude is not true solitude when some one else is baring our burden to live. So, I somehow feel solitude is not possible to achieve without ungratefully shutting our duties to those who help us sustain the very solitude !?!? Lots of thoughts rushing, on this, though!
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This needs to be discussed further at some point. Looks like I am unable to
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Explain
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True! It’s a subtle topic!
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